By the time a couple seeks relationship coaching, many times they report that they still love each other, but are not “in love” anymore. When I ask what they mean by that, I can usually hear a litany of reasons why their connection is not as good as it “used to be.” And many times time constrains, small children, and many other aspects of living life have slowly but surly taken away the feelings and joy of being in love. It doesn’t have to be that way!
Connection requires hugs, kisses, and more
I bet when you were dating you could hardly keep your hands off each other. Any time you saw each other was a great opportunity for (at least) hugs and kisses. Yet, many of the couples that seek my services for relationship coaching hardly touch each other anymore. They barely look up from their games or electronic gadgets, or from their work, when the other walks in or out.
How sad! No wonder they tell me they are not "in love" anymore! Want to feel in love again? The key is to express more affection, both emotionally and physically. Today we are going to talk about how expressing affection physically helps the feelings of love to flourish, no matter how long you have been together.
The Huffington Post reports that a researcher at the Medical University of Vienna recently pointed out that hugging someone you care about can ease stress and anxiety, lower blood pressure and even boost memory . Experts believe it all comes back to the hormone oxytocin. A simple embrace seems to increase levels of the "love hormone," which is not only linked to social bonding but also to feeling of joy.
Call it an extended hug -- cuddling also releases stress-easing oxytocin, which can reduce blood pressure and bond you with your mate. But you may not have guessed that a little cuddle time can help you and your partner communicate better. Non-verbal communication can be a very powerful way to say to your partner, “I get you. I know how you feel.”
Of course, kissing has also been shown to affect oxytocin and cortisol levels, and, just like hugging and cuddling, can reduce stress and produce bonding. Have you notice how hard it’s to keep being mad if you are kissing?
In addition to relaxing you and burning some calories, some time between the sheets can help you fight off germs (Hello, flu protection!). As long as your partner isn't already sick, a couple of sexy escapades a week can boost a particular antibody that fights off colds, according to a 1999 study. Sex may also promote better sleep, thanks to both the relaxing effects of that oxytocin and an increase in a hormone called prolactin, which is normally higher during sleep.
So, you see, hugs, kisses, and more are not only good for your health. They are vital for increasing your joy. One of my standard “prescriptions” for couples is distress is to make it a point to hug, kiss, and cuddle at least in the morning, as homecoming, and before going to sleep. Better yet to make sure you have at least 5 moments of bonding contact a day.
Remember. . .
If you want to feel “in love,” you have to take action.
Action time: Today, and over the week make sure you share at least 5 moments of joyful bonding contact. Then tell us how your feelings of "being “in love” are.
I invite you to listen to my free webinar: Reclaim Intimacy! 5 Incredible Secrets for Reigniting your Love Life.