Parenting Coordination

 

  • Are you tired of arguing with your former spouse about every little detail of the parenting plan?
  • Are you concerned about how the divorce process affected your children and want to help them adjust better?
  • Do you want to lessen the hostility between you to aid in resolving future parenting issues?
  • Do you want to spend less money and time in court and speed up the process of decision making?

Divorce is one of the most painful and disruptive events that an individual and family can experience. Parenting coordination aims at reducing this tension, instead of increasing it. With the help of the parenting coordinator, couples negotiate the implementation of their parenting plan and learn the techniques for resolving future differences. Parenting coordination is for couples who want to regain control over the decisions that affect their lives and don't want their children caught in the middle.

Drawing on my knowledge of couple, family and business relationships, my work as a collaborative divorce coach, my training as a developmental psychologist, and my experience as divorce mediator I offer a constructive and cost effective alternative method for conflict resolution to divorced couples regarding child custody and visitation.

What Are the main Benefits of parenting coordination?

While the goal of parenting coordination is to reduce conflict and make parenting plans work, it also:

  • takes less time, so you can move ahead with your life.
  • costs less.
  • allows you more control the decisions that affect your life.
  • benefits children and others by reducing conflict.
  • promotes effective communication and cooperation.

What is parenting coordination and how does it work?

A neutral third party, the parenting coordinator, uses a structured process to help parties resolve their conflicts. Unlike a judge or arbitrator, the parenting coordinator does not decide how the dispute should be resolved. Rather, the coordinator helps the parties learn how to implement effectively their parenting agreement on an ongoing basis.

Parenting coordinators use appropriate techniques and/or skills to open and/or improve dialogue between the parties, aiming to help them reach an agreement (with concrete effects) on the disputed matter. The coordinator facilitates the process by first asking each party to present his or her view of the issues. Then, useing guided discussion to help the parties resolve the problems and come to agreement.

The main characteristics of the process are:

  • A safe atmosphere for sharing ideas. The parties will be asked to agree to some basic ground rules during the discussion (e.g., only one person speaks at a time, no name calling or shouting, no blaming or rehashing of old issues, etc.). The coordinator will ensure that the ensuing dialogue is focused and respectful.
  • Each party is given a full opportunity to share his or her perspectives on the situation. Then the information will be summarized, shared points will be highlighted, and help will be given to better define the issues.
  • The parties are encourage to generate possible options for resolving their dispute and to select a mutually agreeable solution.
  • The parties learn and develop strategies for disengaging from each other, allowing the children to grow up free from the threat of being caught in the middle.
  • How many sessions may be needed will depend on the number and complexity of the issues, and on the willingness of the parties to abandon a win-lose mind set for a more collaborative and efficient win-win one.

Why seek a parenting coordinator?

A parent coordinator helps develop a process that gives the parties the opportunity to resolve issues for their children and themselves rather than have a judge decide for them. When parties design their own solutions to their own problems, they are more likely to be satisfied with the agreement and to follow it.

Successful parenting coordination often reduces the hostility that may go with a court proceeding. Reduction in conflict between parents has been documented by research to be beneficial to both parents and their children.

Learning non-adversarial ways of communication can help diminish misunderstandings, conflict, and loss of time. It will also foster collaboration and problem solving.

Although there is a fee for parenting coordination, a successful process is generally less expensive than repeatedly going back to court. It will often reduce attorney fees and court costs. It also may reduce other expenses that are normally part of adversarial court proceedings.

High Conflict vs. Domestic Violence

I screen for abusive and violent patterns of interaction, including risk factors. Although high conflict If there is a history of abuse and/or I see indicators of domestic violence, my first priority will be to protect the children, protect the safety and well-being of the victim, and hold the perpetrator accountable.

If I consider that parenting coordination is inappropriate and potentially exploited by the perpetrator of domestic violence, my role will be almost purely to enforce a court order and ensure compliance with the details of the order. I might decline to accept such a case if I feel the imbalance of power, control and coercion will make it impossible to effectively do parenting coordination.

If you have questions about mediation, or want to know if mediation is for you, call Dr. Ada Gonzalez at 302-399-3915 or email us writing "parenting coordination" in the subject line.