Mediation

Are you tired of arguing with your divorcing spouse about every little detail?
Are you concerned about how the divorce process affects your children and want to help them adjust better?
Do you want to lessen the hostility between you to aid in resolving future parenting issues?
Do you want to spend less money and speed up the process of divorce?

Separation and divorce are among the most painful and disruptive events that an individual and family can experience. Mediation aims at reducing this tension, instead of increasing it. With the help of the mediator, couples negotiate their own settlement and learn the techniques for resolving future differences. Mediation is for couples who want to retain control over the decisions that affect their lives and don't want their children caught in the middle.

Drawing on my knowledge of couple, family and business relationships, my work as a collaborative divorce coach, and my experience as divorce mediator I offer a constructive and cost effective alternative method for separating and divorcing couples to work out agreements regarding property division, child custody and visitation, and spousal and child support.

What Are the main Benefits of mediation?

While the goal of mediation is to produce a settlement agreement, mediation also:

takes less time, so you can move ahead with your life.
costs less.
allows you to control the decisions that affect your life.
benefits children and others by reducing conflict.
promotes effective communication and cooperation.

What is mediation and how does it work?

A neutral third party, the mediator, uses a structured process to help parties resolve their differences. Unlike a judge or arbitrator, the mediator does not decide how the dispute should be resolved. Rather, the parties determine the terms of their settlement agreement.

Mediators use appropriate techniques and/or skills to open and/or improve dialogue between the parties, aiming to help them reach an agreement (with concrete effects) on the disputed matter. The mediator facilitates the mediation process by first asking each party to present his or her view of the issues. Then, the mediator uses guided discussion to help the parties resolve the problems and design their own agreement.

The main characteristics of the mediation process are:

A safe atmosphere for sharing ideas. The parties will be asked to agree to some basic ground rules during the discussion (e.g., only one person speaks at a time, no name calling or shouting, no blaming or rehashing of old issues, etc.). The mediator will ensure that the ensuing dialogue is focused and respectful.
Each party is given a full opportunity to share his or her perspectives on the situation. Then the information will be summarized, shared points will be highlighted, and help will be given to better define the issues.
The parties are encourage to generate possible options for resolving their dispute and to select a mutually agreeable solution. If the parties resolve some or all issues, a written memorandum of agreement is prepared.
How many mediation sessions may be needed will depend on the number and complexity of the issues, and on the willingness of the parties to abandon a win-lose mind set for a more collaborative and efficient win-win one.

Why mediate?

Mediation is a process that gives the parties the opportunity to resolve issues for their children and themselves rather than have a judge decide for them. When parties design their own solutions to their own problems, they are more likely to be satisfied with the agreement and to follow it.

Successful mediation often reduces the hostility that may go with a court proceeding. Reduction in conflict between parents has been documented by research to be beneficial to both parents and their children. Also, a mediated parenting agreement eliminates the need for a trial over issues concerning children, thus avoiding a negative experience that can be emotionally damaging for children.

Although there is a fee for mediation, a successful mediation is generally less expensive than a contested trial. Successful mediation will often reduce attorney fees and court costs. It also may reduce expenses for appraisals, accounting services, expert witnesses and other expenses that are normally part of adversarial court proceedings.

What issues can be mediated?

All issues in a divorce—including parenting schedules, parenting responsibilities, child support, spousal support, property division and other financial issues—can be resolved through mediation.
My preference is to help divorcing parties reach agreement on parenting issues, and work with a financial advisor for property division and other financial issues.

On occasion, parties who want to try mediation have had problems with domestic violence in their relationship. Mediators do not mediate the issue of domestic violence itself. If you are a victim of domestic violence, most likely you will feel you will not be able to adequately express your opinions to, or negotiate with, the other party. In the first individual session with the mediator be sure to mention your concerns. Remember, mediation is voluntary. You always have the option of not starting or withdrawing from mediation if your concerns cannot be addressed.

What role do attorneys play in divorce mediation?

Attorneys are not replaced by mediation. The mediator will not give legal or financial advice. The mediator will recommend that the parties consult their own attorneys, other professionals, or trusted others about these matters. Attorneys help their clients understand the law and make informed decisions in mediation. Each party's attorney or support person may attend and participate in mediation sessions if the party wishes. Parties are encouraged to consult with their attorneys before and after mediation sessions and to review the mediated agreement with their attorneys before signing. When an agreement is reached in mediation, the attorneys will incorporate the agreement into a Separation Agreement or Divorce Decree that is presented to the court. What is different is that you will not need to spend time and money in adversarial proceedings that can drag for a long time and leave you drained and angry.

If you have questions about mediation, or want to know if mediation is for you, call Dr. Ada Gonzalez at 302-399-3915 or email us writing "mediation" in the subject line.