8 Quick Tips to Keep Joy in the Holidays with Your Spouse (Including navigating family drama)
Holidays are supposed to be happy family times, full of laughter and love. Yet, for many people, the holidays mean long, hard, unpleasant, stressful work. The more stress you pile up, the more you become grouchy with your partner and with your children.
Or in 2020 it could be a time of regret either because you have lost someone you love, or because you can’t travel and gather with the extended family as usual.
It would be good to think how much of your stress is do to outside and family expectations and how much is you bringing upon yourself. It might be something worth thinking about.
But what I want to share with you today are ways in which you can be less frazzled and more joyful in the midst of it all. After all, holidays are supposed to be joyful, right?
If you can keep your positive spirit, it will be contagious. Holidays should be a time of rejoicing and goodwill. The specific ways to less stress and more fun have to be individualized. Therefore, I’m going to give you eight simple and short suggestions, some general principles that you can easily apply.
1. Evaluate expectations, values and meanings
Take time to find out what makes you and those around you happy – what everyone really wants to do. Remember that true joy has to do with celebration, meaning and connection to others. What is more important to your family, a big formal meal, or time spent singing favorite Christmas song along with a CD? Would it be more meaningful if all your family volunteer time to prepare care packages and deliver them from your car to the homeless? Or can you take time to wrap up gifts for needy children? It doesn’t have to be all about selfish wants. Use your imagination!
2. Divide and conquer
Who says you have to do it all? Let others help and jobs will get done faster (most of the time) and be more fun for everyone. At home, even 3-year-old children can stick on stamps, close envelopes or distribute candles around the house. Or you can divide up tasks assembly-line fashion: While one calls for ingredients, another finds them, someone else measures, and another mixes. Then all help with the cleaning! You spend time together and finish sooner.
3. Organize
Whether your style is to make lists, write in a notebook, leave sticky notes to yourself, make notes on your phone, or think through your options, you need to take time to organize (Even Santa has his list. . .!). It will save you much time and will mean less hassle. It will also let you see in a concrete way if you are trying to do too much.
4. Be realistic
Evaluate what is feasible and stick to it. Some things to take into account are: health, money, family situation, time, emotional issues, and personal skills. For example, I was never good at making deserts. Therefore, that is one thing I’m always ready to delegate to others or to buy from a specialty store.
5. Learn to identify and deal with stress
The trick is to do something about stress before it gets out of hand. Breathe deeply and slowly, smile, take a break, daydream, look for humor, abandon what you are doing and do something else, or do nothing. Don’t push yourself to the breaking point. If you don’t take time out to do something about the stress, you will end up angry, frustrated, tense, fatigued, sick, joyless – and you will make everybody around you miserable too.
6. Keep up your health
Adequate sleep, water intake, exercise, healthful food, positive thinking, humor, time for relaxation, play, and nurturing relationships (partner, friends, coworkers, family) will help reduce stress. Now more than ever you need to keep your immune system healthy. And stress depletes not only your energy, but your stamina and health.
7. Check your emotions
Take responsibility for your emotions. Emotions are signals which you need to heed. Bad or sad experiences in the past tend to color our holiday memories. Do not allow them to take over your life. Identify past losses and wounds and then let them go. Look for help if necessary. And then, enjoy the holidays. Remember that we tend to get what we expect. If you plan for and expect days of joy and cherished moments with others, you will probably find them.
Coworkers, children, family and friends will not long remember your perfectly clean house, perfect decorations, perfect party, perfectly wrapped presents or perfect meal; they will remember the fun and love you shared. Don’t let stress steal and spoil it! Enjoy the Holidays! Let us know in the comments what works best for you.
8. Learn to deal with family drama
People like to think of the holidays as great family gatherings where everybody gets along, food is plentiful and perfectly done, and all have a great time.
That's the fairytale version. . . The real version? Often everything that can go wrong, goes wrong. So, in a way, not being able to gather with extended family could be a blessing in disguise. Instead of being miserably because you can not visit the grandparents, decide to enjoy the smaller, more intimate gathering with just your immediate family and find something interesting to share with the rest of the family via FaceTime or Zoom.
You can learn how to keep family drama to a minimum!
Best gift for your relationship
Many times relationships deteriorate, bickering becomes too common, intimacy goes away, and communication is very superficial. Don't wait for things to get to the point of separation! I have a very special gift for you. As the Holidays are here, I want to give you a Free Guide: The daily “I do:” 8 Habits to Stay in Love and Out of Trouble with Your Spouse Take time to ask for it, download it, read it, and do the practical suggestions I share there. That's the best gift for yourself, your relationship, and your children (if you have any).